It stinks! I’m not usually this heartless or blunt when it comes to the films I review. As someone who knows a thing or 2 about the practicalities of filmmaking, the blood sweat and tears necessarily to bring even the most modest project to fruition, I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a “lazy movie”. The Biz is no place for those who can’t go the distance and then some, and bringing any concept to the big-screen is a task of herculean proportions. That said,The Megdoesn’t exist in a vacuum; it comes at a time when big-budget shark-themed horror movies are becoming a staple of summertime. Unfortunately, as opposed to the last couple years of stellar aquatic terrors,The Megthreatens to bring the trend to an abrupt extinction.

Rather than turn this review into a laundry list of the film’s shortcomings, I’ll frameThe Meg’s failures in terms of other recentshark-themed horror moviessuccesses, specifically 2016’sThe Shallowsand 2017’s47 Meters Down. There’s also something aboutThe Megthat begs a comparison toDeep Blue Sea, so yes, I’ll be going there as well.

The Shallowsand47 Meters Downhooked their audiences with characters who were immediately relatable. Sure, the protagonists of both films are 20-something females, but horror fans are keenly tuned-in to thepotential for danger lurking around every corner, even during vacations in paradise. We’ve all been giddy for adventure, propelled by the bravery of young adulthood and feelings of immortality, and movies likeThe Shallowsand47 Meters Downillustrate how everything can go to hell in a matter of minutes. We see ourselves in theseeveryday individuals who just happen to be in the wrong placeat the wrong time.

The Meg, on the other hand, is populated by 2-dimensional characters who aren’t the slightest bit endearing (the sole exception being 8-year old Meiying, played by Shuya Sophia Cai). They even made Ruby Rose cold and uninteresting, and that itself is no easy task, as the DJ-turned-actress exudes natural charisma. We’re in a state-of-the-art marine research facility surrounded by people who are the most intelligent eggheads in their fields. In other words: No one you or I have ever met in real life. Sure, this is similar to the character pool from Deep Blue Sea, but at least that film had recognizable archetypes. Thomas Jane was the Jock, Samuel L. Jackson was the stern corporate overseer, Michael Rapaport was the fool, L.L. Cool J was the every-man, and Saffron Burrows was (almost) the final girl.The Meg, on the other hand, has scientists A-E and each of them is completely interchangeable. Of course, great scripting can often breathe life into even the most uninspired roles, butThe Meghas none (making the fact that the film boasts 3 screenwriters mind-boggling: You’d thing one of them could have come up with an emotional hook that actually held water).

As opposed toThe Shallowsand47 Meters Down, whichlured moviegoers into the waterone toe at a time,The Megthrows us in at the deep-end, opening with an explosive and claustrophobic sequence that definitely grabs us by the throat. But it honestly never gets more intense than these first few minutes. It’s a reminder that moviegoers need to be eased into a story if filmmakers are trying to build towards something genuinely impactful. And even the best money shots of the titular Megalodon fall flat, owing to an overreliance on CGI combined with schizophrenic pacing that fails to deliver a single legitimate jump scare. Sure, we cheer for the shark when it jumps out of the water because it looks cool, but not because we’ve got been scared out of our seats.

I have no doubtThe Megwillsatisfy those looking for lighthearted summer action, magnificent sets, and something the whole family can enjoy together. Horror fans hoping forThe Shallowscaliber thrills or something with47 Meters Down’s powerful twist, however, will be vastly disappointed. Compared to those films,The Meglacks bite.

The Megis directed by Jon Turteltaub and stars Jason Statham, Bingbing Li, and Rainn Wilson.